The Littlest Funk blog: miscarriage

You Are Not Alone

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

A few times over the weekend I had moments where I found myself sad. I had moments where I would see a pregnant woman and think to myself that I should be pregnant. Even trying to put on a pair of jeans that I haven't worn since before my miscarriage triggered these thoughts and it didn't seem fair.

As I was leaving the grocery store Sunday, I hopped on Facebook (while I waited for another car to back out) and saw that a girl from my hometown is expecting. She had the cutest pregnancy announcement posted and the next thing I knew, I was bawling. I just lost it. Just when I thought I had my emotions in check since my miscarriage, all those feelings of being okay were gone.

I would be 13 weeks pregnant today. I would be getting ready to share our big surprise with our friends and family that we hadn't yet told and now, we don't get to share that news.

It just wasn't fair.

I felt so alone in that moment. Even though I have been surrounded with support and love from my husband, my family and my friends, the heartbreak I've had feels lonely.

About the time I got ready to put the car in reverse and leave, Thy Will Be Done by Hillary Scott came on the radio. It wasn't the first time I had heard it over the weekend and I was amazed at the timing. I got the messaged loud and clear that time.

These words spoke to me at a time I needed them most and in that moment I knew I was not alone. I am never alone. I felt His presence, I let myself grieve and I prayed.

God has plans for my life, some that I may never understand, but He is good and he knows what he is doing. I have to trust in those plans. I have to trust that I won't always feel this way and the pain I feel now will eventually subside.

If you are struggling with a miscarriage, ongoing infertility or are just in a place where you feel alone; I know it's hard, but know that you are not alone.

You are never alone.

These verses have been on my heart and I wanted to share. I hope they help you as much as they have helped me over the last month.

Joshua 1:9 I command you - Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths.

miscarriage · mom life · motherhood · pregnancy · pregnancy tracker

How My Miscarriage Made Me A Better Mom

Thursday, August 10, 2017

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I haven't shared my miscarriage story on the blog yet, but if you follow me on social media, then you know I experienced this almost a month ago. My emotions currently have me feeling like I'm on a roller-coaster, but it's getting better each day. I still don't understand why these things happen, but what I do know is that it has made me a better mom.

This has been the first week that I haven't cried before going to bed. I woke up Monday morning feeling great. It could have been that I finally opened up to my husband for the first time about how I've been feeling, it could have been all the prayers and asking for peace that I have been doing or both.

Honestly, I really couldn't tell you why (other than the fact that God is good). All I know is that I felt more at peace than I have been and I went with it.

Through my miscarriage, I've come to realize how blessed I am that I was able to have two healthy pregnancies. Having a miscarriage was not something I ever thought possible. It wasn't even in the back of my mind, so although I've always been grateful for my girls, I now have a different understanding of the word.

This loss has made me appreciate my two little girls and love them more. They don't know what happened to me, they just know that they need me. I give them extra kisses throughout the day and hug them a little tighter before bedtime. I'm careful about the way I speak to them, making sure I don't lose my temper or yell at them. I choose my words and I try to show them the unconditional love that they deserve.

Being a full-time stay at home mom, I can easily lose sight of this. It's easy to get into a routine or get easily frustrated when we haven't been out of the house in days. I sometimes forget that my girls still haven't learned to control their emotions and that is something I can do. Like I said before, I don't understand why these things happen, but it happened and it has been eye opening.

This week has been packed full of fun and adventures with my girls. We have literally gone out of the house every single day this week and I have loved every minute of it. From toddler classes to play dates to the beach and even ice cream for breakfast yesterday. It has been incredible and my heart is so full. I've played with them more and I've focused more on them. I've been less present on social media and more present during pretend tea parties and checkups from "Doc Emma".

Now, I still give time outs when necessary and I still drink a lot of coffee in the morning to keep up and I still have to take an occasional deep breath when they act, well, like toddlers. I mean, I'm still their mom ...just a better one.

Our loss has been heartbreaking and something I'm not sure will ever fully go away, but for now, I will focus on being the best mom to the two girls I have here with me.