How My Miscarriage Made Me A Better Mom

I haven't shared my miscarriage story on the blog yet, but if you follow me on social media, then you know I experienced this almost a month ago.  My emotions currently have me feeling like I'm on a roller-coaster, but it's getting better each day.  I still don't understand why these things happen, but what I do know is that it has made me a better mom.

This has been the first week that I haven't cried before going to bed.  I woke up Monday morning feeling great.  It could have been that I finally opened up to my husband for the first time about how I've been feeling, it could have been all the prayers and asking for peace that I have been doing or both.

Honestly, I really couldn't tell you why (other than the fact that God is good).  All I know is that I felt more at peace than I have been and I went with it.

Through my miscarriage, I've come to realize how blessed I am that I was able to have two healthy pregnancies.  Having a miscarriage was not something I ever thought possible.  It wasn't even in the back of my mind, so although I've always been grateful for my girls, I now have a different understanding of the word.  

This loss has made me appreciate my two little girls and love them more.  They don't know what happened to me, they just know that they need me.  I give them extra kisses throughout the day and hug them a little tighter before bedtime.  I'm careful about the way I speak to them, making sure I don't lose my temper or yell at them.  I choose my words and I try to show them the unconditional love that they deserve.  

Being a full-time stay at home mom, I can easily lose sight of this.  It's easy to get into a routine or get easily frustrated when we haven't been out of the house in days.  I sometimes forget that my girls still haven't learned to control their emotions and that is something I can do.  Like I said before, I don't understand why these things happen, but it happened and it has been eye opening.
 
This week has been packed full of fun and adventures with my girls.  We have literally gone out of the house every single day this week and I have loved every minute of it.  From toddler classes to play dates to the beach and even ice cream for breakfast yesterday.  It has been incredible and my heart is so full. I've played with them more and I've focused more on them. I've been less present on social media and more present during pretend tea parties and checkups from "Doc Emma".

Now, I still give time outs when necessary and I still drink a lot of coffee in the morning to keep up and I still have to take an occasional deep breath when they act, well, like toddlers.  I mean, I'm still their mom ...just a better one.

Our loss has been heartbreaking and something I'm not sure will ever fully go away, but for now, I will focus on being the best mom to the two girls I have here with me.